An Odd Device-Sneaky's Machine

A Very Odd Device: Sneaky's Cleaning Machine

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"Hmm? Uh..." Across the room, Kathode, a young man with a thin frame peered over his book at his friend across the room, but quickly averted his brown eyes. He adjusted his glasses and moved his long, dark brown hair out of his sight before talking into the book.

"No, no... I really don't."

In the other room, an explosion that sounded like an engine backfiring rattled the house and knocked a book off a shelf. The book bounced off Kathode's armchair, making him jump in small surprise, and then the book fell onto an open soda bottle, knocking its lime-green contents across the end table and subsequently, the floor. Kathode sighed and placed the book open, pages down on the armchair to save his place before running off to the kitchen, presumably in search of paper towels. Buckdida, an odd anthropomorphic animal who seemed to be a mix between a wolf and cat, stood up and walked over as Kathode quickly exited. Buckdida reached over and picked up the book that had fallen- apparently, it seemed to be a textbook of some kind.

"Introduction to Elementary Physics," he read aloud. "Hey Katter... Do you think this might be what Sneaky is breaking in there?" he asked, pointing a claw at the word 'Physics' on the book.

Kathode walked back out of the kitchen as he responded, "I honestly don't care what that crazy Gryphon-bird-thing does... as long as it stays out of trouble! ...Besides, it's not like regular physics affect us here, anywa-"

*EEEERRRRRRRNNNNNNNT!*

Kathode was interrupted by the loud blast of an air horn, flinched again, and dropped the roll of paper towels he was carrying.

Buckdida smirked at Kathode, "Does that sound like trouble to you? Just saying... and you really set yourself up for that." he said. Kathode gave Buckdida a slightly annoyed look, and started off towards the source of the noise.

"You know you love it...?" asked Buckdida, teasing Kathode.

"You hush."

The pair started down a simple hallway with no distinguishing features. Honestly, it was simple, bland, tan colored, and that simple fact annoyed Buckdida.

"It's... dull in here. Can't we change this?"

"I think that's more up to Silent," responded Kathode, "and besides, simple is just fine."

"But boring," Buckdida countered.

"Aren't you supposed to be, like, the Jack-of-All trades or something? Your very definition is boring, Buck," Kathode said, rolling his eyes.

"You hush! ...and, uh, less boring than you! I'm still less boring than you."

"Your fur colors are orange, gray, and brown. I fail to see how I'm more-"

*CRACK*

*PAH-FWING*

*PHEW*

*WHOMP*

Kathode flinched yet again as the bathroom door was bust open and a hinge popped off, flying past his face. Sneaky flew out from the door and crashed into the opposite wall, stunned. The severely blackened bird anthro was lying on the floor, head on the ground, feet and back propped up in the air against the wall. Somehow, he managed to get blasted away while upside-down.

"For one, you still never seem to expect things like this," Buckdida retorted. Turning to the lump of a bird on the ground, he asked, "Sneaky, what the heck are you up to?"

"WORKING, WARK!" Sneaky quickly jumped up and dusted off his head, revealing his yellow feathers and a cockatiel crown of orange and red sticking out atop his cranium. He bent his beak into what would be a toothy smile, and then used his black hoodie to wipe off the goggles he was using.

"...Sneaky, ah... are those Kaido's inventor goggles?" asked Kathode.

"Yup!" answered Sneaky, being far, far too enthusiastic for just being blown though a door. "I borrowed them from Kaido even though he doesn't know it! Don't worry, I'll give them back right after!"

"...Covered in black soot?" Kathode asked dubiously.

"I just cleaned them, wark! See? I can see you!" Sneaky stared with his different colored eyes at Kathode and Buckdida, his right eye purple, and his left eye turquoise. The lenses were still far from clean. Kathode sighed.

"Um, guys...?" Buckdida tried to get the other two's attentions, "Just wondering... Sneaky, what the heck have you been up to in our BATHROOM?! I thought this noise was coming from the workshop, or maybe the garage, but here?!"

"IT'S THE PERFECT PLACE TO WORK, WARKS!" Sneaky yelled, throwing a pointed scaly hand into the air in triumph. "It's quiet and private and bright and people won't bother you usually and it's a bathroom upgrade too!" he rattled off in rapid-fire succession. Buckdida and Kathode looked at each other, quite unsure.

"Upgrade?" Buckdida asked hesitantly.

"Yeah! Our shower, wark!

Kathode went wide eyed and slipped between Sneaky and Buckdida to observe what damage the crazy bird had inflicted on their poor shower. Sneaky had plenty of enthusiasm for creating things, but none of the patience to figure out how. In the past, this had lead to destruction of Laxan's armory, when he tried to create weapons, Vadiant's kitchen, when he tried to cook something 'with his own style,' and several of Kaido's workshops, where failed inventions usually resulted in mushroom clouds that somehow didn't contain radiation. Buckdida and Kathode usually weren't worried about Sneaky working in the house, as they didn't have the supplies needed to create such disasters.

Then again, one should never underestimate an idiot with large amounts of raw magic power.

Kathode extended an open palm towards Sneaky's latest experiment. "What... did you even do to it?" Kathode was motioning to a very large metal box of some kind that seemed crudely welded together with all kinds of scrap metal and nuts and bolts. "Is that supposed to be a shower?"

"Yup! A veryveryvery awesome shower wark! And I made it by smacking it!" Sneaky said.

"Using Kaido's wrench, I see," said Buckdida.

"Yeah, I'll give that back too!"

"Sneaky, didn't we say not to mess with important things in the house?" asked Kathode in a stern voice.

Sneaky tilted his head, slightly confused. "You warks neverever use the shower though. Keh?" Buckdida and Kathode averted their eyes, both blushing, though you couldn't tell Buckdida was through his fur. Sneaky continued on, "and you guys take foooorrreeeevveeeerrr when you do! So! I made a faster supershower! It's faststrongandwillgetyousqueakyclean! No need for towels and portable, too!"

"Portable? Ho-"

Kathode quickly interrupted Buckdida, placing his hand on Buckdida's shoulder. Whispering to him, he said, "Probably best not to ask. Last thing we want is him pressing a button and it blowing up half our house..."

Sneaky kicked the side of the new shower and popped off a panel, exposing gears and devices that didn't seem to fully exist. They faded in and out as Kathode examined them, and at least one thing seemed to be replaced by another every time he blinked.

"Kathode... are those gears in there... changing?" Buckdida asked, mystified.

"I... well, I really don't know," Kathode said, scratching his head. "Sneaky probably used his crazy magic medallion on it, or something, which explains why we don't already have a critical mass meltdown on our hands already."

Sneaky grabbed Kaido's wrench off the bathroom counter and held it in his hand, closing his eyes and waiting for a moment. He mouthed something under his breath and the wrench began to shimmer with white sparks- and then Sneaky full swung the wrench into the gears of the open panel. Rather than the sound of metal being cracked and crushed, a loud clang combined with clicks and whirs echoed in the bathroom.

"There's good acoustics in here, too! Another reason to work in the bathroom, warks! Sounds cool! Anyway, DONE! For now, anyway. It's fully upgradable for later wark! Eeeeeee! Something I made actually works for once! I told you guys I'd make something eventually! HA! Coocoocoo! Warkarkarkarkarkar!"

Buckdida stared at Sneaky, slightly afraid. "Is that your evil laugh, or something?"

"Just the Coocoo part, wark!"

'Fitting,' thought Kathode. "How do you know it works?"

"A HUNCH WARK!" exclaimed Sneaky, "A massive very good hunch! Let's try it out!"

"Wait!"

"What?!"

"Nononnono!-ACK!"

"ASLDKFJL!"

Kathode and Buckdida had no time to react as Sneaky kicked open the front metal door to the shower, tackled them both in, and slammed the door shut behind them all.

"WELCOME TO THE POWERSHOWER... VERSION... 1.0... BEGINNING START UP SEQUENCE..." said a loud robotic voice that echoed from within the closed metal chamber.

"Isn't this exciting, guys?" Sneaky asked, squealing.

"Com'on, Buck, open that damn door!"

"It won't budge! It's locked or something."

"Oh for... here, let me try."

"No, no, I got it, I swear!"

"Buck, move!"

"INITIAL BOOT COMPLETE. PREPARING SOAP CYCLE."

"Kathode, if this is anyone's fault... note it's not mine."

"...What's that supposed to mean?"

"Bubbles, wark!"

"Bubbles?!" yelled Kathode.

Indeed, bubbles flew out of the walls, along with liquid soap and shampoo, spraying and covering the room's occupants.

"Augh! Yuck! Sneaky, what the..." Kathode stood with an open stance, looking disgusted as he tried to examine the slime that had covered him. "I can't see with this stuff on my glasses!"

Buckdida slipped on the floor as he made another vain tug on the door, and swore. He turned to Sneaky and asked, "Can you stop this thing, or unlock the door?" Buck spoke though clenched teeth, sounding very annoyed.

"Nah, not during the initial run!"

Buck swore.

"PERPARING WASH AND RINSE CYCLE."

"HERE IT COMES, WARKS! Uh... what are you silly warks doing over there? It's only safe in the middle over here," Sneaky said with slight worry.

*VEERT* Several circular panels in the wall opened, quickly protruding large tubes. One was just to the right of the door, and Sneaky watched as Buckdida and Kathode turned their heads towards the closest opening, suddenly both wide eyed with horror and surprise.

"Oh, sh-..."

"Son of a-..."

Their swears were drowned out by the massive influx of water, blasting from all directions with fire hose like strength. While none of the blasts were directed at the center, something of a whirlpool began to form around the center as the water gushed in and spun though the machine. The soapy water rushed and ripped around Sneaky with enough force that it quickly removed all the soot, grime, and oil on him from working on the shower. Buckdida and Kathode, on the other hand, got blasted off their feet and unpleasantly thrown into the current, quite unable to breathe after being hit with several pounds of sheer water force. The shower still did a proper job on them, cleaning them thoroughly as they were whisked around. As quickly as the water came, it drained out the bottom, leaving three very soaked, very clean, and two very dizzy people scattered across the floor.

"That was neat, wark! Worked perfectly."

"Sneaky? *cough* I'ma kill you," Buckdida wheezed, as he attempted to lift himself off the floor. Kathode was still coughing, trying to catch his breath, when the mechanical voice spoke again.

"PREPARING DRY CYCLE."

"Yay!"

"WHY?!"

Hot, dry wind blasted inward from all directions, evaporating and wicking away all the water that was still clinging to their bodies. To Sneaky, it felt pleasantly warm. To Buckdida and Kathode, on the sides, they felt like they were being propelled out of a volcano as the wind blasted them into the center.

"Mmm... doesn't this feel nice, warks?"

"THAT'S COMING FROM THE BIRD THAT CAN LIGHT HIMSELF ON FIRE!" Buckdida yelled over the dryer blasts.

Sneaky said nothing, only staring at Buckdida.

"What? Why are you staring at me?"

"You look funny, wark!" said Sneaky, giggling.

"What?"

"POWERSHOWER COMPLETE. THANK YOU FOR INITIALIZING THE POWERSHOWER. HAVE A WONDERFUL DAY."

Kathode staggered to his feet, ready to ream the yellow bird for putting him though this infernal contraption. "You crazy Gryphon! What the heck was all of that?!"

"A shower, wark! The FASTEST shower you'll ever go though! A minute, maybe less!" Sneaky said as he snapped with his claws, smiling. "The most thorough shower in the shortest time! It'll save us a lot of time and water!"

"Save WATER?!" Kathode shouted at Sneaky.

"Compared to how much time you usually spend in the shower, yus!" Sneaky teased, sticking his tongue out at him, "Also, it washes and dries the clothes on you, too, so that saves water there, as well! And besides, you haven't showered for a five days! Now you can go out again, wark!"

"A week, man?" Buckdida asked Kathode, "Dude, at least I have fur and stuff. I have an excuse!"

"You... you hush! And- ...*snerk* Um... *snerk*" Kathode was having trouble speaking, trying to hold back a laugh. "Speaking of... fur..."

"...Alright, what's so funny?" Buckdida asked the other two.

"...*snicker* Ah, Sneaky, does the door open now...? Buck might want to look in a mirror..." Kathode was still holding back laughter.

"Yeah, wark, it does-wrak!"

Buckdida shoved Sneaky out of the way and would have ripped open the metal door if it weren't for its weight. He stared into the mirror of the bathroom, and recoiled in horror.

Sheer, fuzzy, fluffy, horror.

"SNEAKY! WHY IS MY FUR ABOUT THREE TIMES ITS NORMAL MASS?!" he yelled aloud, turning back towards the Powershower. Buckdida's head looked less like a wolf-cat, and more like a soft puffy ball of fluff, ready to float on the wind. Inflated fur poked out of all openings of his clothing, giving him quite a ridiculous appearance, and making him look almost three times as big. Kathode and Sneaky walked out of the Powershower, still giggling.

"Hey now, wark! Don't be angry, it looks CUTE! ...You know what, hold still!" Sneaky jumped at Buckdida, trying to pounce at him with a hug.

"NO! No glomping! - alsdkfjl!" Buckdida was pinned to the floor as Sneaky began nuzzling up against him. "...Kathode, not a word about this. Ever."

"*snerk* Of course, of course! Besides, look at my hair, right? Gonna take a while to brush that out," Kathode said, noting his frizzed up hair.

"Awwww, but I want you warks to show other people this! I mean, you can use it on them too! Here, watch! It's portable!"

Buckdida and Kathode looked at each other in fear.

"No, Sneaky, wait!" Kathode said, trying to stop Sneaky. Of course, Sneaky didn't listen, and kicked the side of the Powershower. In a series of white flashes, the Powershower began... folding. And folding, and folding, until it reached the size of a cell phone, ready to be put in one's pocket.

"See? Portable, warks!"

"Uhhhhh... okay..." Kathode was somewhat dumbfounded. Sneaky's creations never quite worked like this before. "But how would we get people INTO that thing? It's not like they'll just walk in..."

"Shove 'em in, wark! Door's one-way until the shower's done, unless you have one of these keycards! They activate the control panel, too." Sneaky threw a plastic card at Kathode, who swiped it out of the air. Kathode examined the card- like the Powershower, the card had a slight white sparkle to it.

"Control panel? What for?" Kathode asked.

"Settings and other modes, of course, wark! Levels of heat, strength of water, function changes entirely wark! I don't think we would want to test them though, wark...." Sneaky said, tapping his beak, "...so we oughta show this to your friends! It's not gonna kill anybody! I don't think."

"Sneaky, will you GET OFF ME?!"

"Whoops! Sorry wark!" Sneaky stood up off of Buckdida.

Buckdida sighed and stood up. "All right, Sneaky, clean up the bathroom... and... as long as that thing doesn't explode, we'll keep it."

"What?! Are you crazy, Buck?" Kathode asked, exasperated.

"Pleeeeeaasssseee?" asked Sneaky, with puppy dog eyes.

"Well, it works," said Buckdida, "and I don't know if we can even dismantle that thing if we wanted to. And I don't think it'll really hurt anyone. I hope." Buckdida leaned over to Kathode, and whispered to him, "And maybe if he keeps this thing, he'll stop trying to make more things."

Kathode nodded. "Alright, Sneaky, you can keep it. Just... make sure Kaido gets his stuff back, okay?"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY! Alright warks, I'll get right to work on tha- WRAK!" Sneaky tripped over a dislodged bathroom tile as the other two sighed and left the room.

"Well, at least we're clean, I suppose," Kathode said to himself.

"Speak for yourself," Said Buckdida. "How am I supposed to get rid of this fluff?"

"You are quite the flooooooophy Buck, you know that?"

"You hush."

"Floooooophy Buck!"

"Hush."

"Floophybuck!"

"HUSH!"

"Floophy fluff fluff fluff!"

Buckdida looked over at his human friend with annoyance, but out of the corner of his eye, also spotted some bad news to break to Kathode- some karma for the teasing, perhaps.

"Um, Katter? Your book..." Buckdida said, pointing behind Kathode. Kathode turned to find that his book had fallen off the armchair, and was now soaking up the slowly drying green soda.

"Yuck... Hmm... HEY, SNEAKY! DOES THAT SHOWER CLEAN FLOORS?"

"NOOOOPE WARK!"

Kathode swore under his breath. "Of course it doesn't." Buckdida just smiled as he passed Kathode the roll of paper towels, some of his fur stuck to it via static cling.